25 Things About Me: Part I

Not long ago, I was speaking with a friend of mine about my blog. A man educated and proficient in the art of advertising, he pointed out that my blogs were not as personal as he believed they should be. While he commended the use of a blog for the featuring of an author’s diversity, he suggested that making a more personal connection with readers could potentially do me good. He therefore sent to me several lists of popular, personal questions, which I have decided to make into two blog posts.

And so, without further ado, join me as I spill the beans about the man behind C. K. Conners.


1. Full name

Ooh. Off to a slow start, here. I can’t just give away my real name, now can I? Sorry, folks. You’re gonna have to settle for the pseudonym on this one: C. K. Conners.

2. Zodiac sign

Apparently, I’m a Pisces; but I don’t know what that means, as I don't follow astrology. It’s a water sign; I know that. I like water, just not the ocean—like, in the middle of the ocean…without a raft…and no one within a thousand miles to hear me scream. Don’t like that.

3. How I feel right now

Relaxed, I guess. Kinda suffering from the summer’s annual pollen attack—but other than that…

4. Relationship Status

Single. Solo. Uno participante. Just me. All alone. No one else…so alone.

5. Do I smoke or drink?

No and water. Next question.

6. Whence I hail

The land of swindlers and thieves, where corruption runs rampant, and good men cower while the wicked stand atop the ruins bellowing triumphant laughter. I swear this is a real place. You've all heard of it.  

7. Education

After graduating from the Jedi Academy at the age of eleven, I hopped on the first train to Hogwarts, where I studied under the headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. From there, I took my studies to Harvard, and then onto Cambridge, where I oversaw three advanced courses in micro-terrestrial biology. Once my internship there was complete, I returned to the Jedi Temple, where my studies first began, and slew the savage Emperor, who'd risen to power whilst I was away. I sold the movie rights to my story to a wide-eyed dreamer named Lucas, who then proceeded to bastardize my journey with science fiction and nonsense. I'll have my revenge, Sir George. You can be sure of that.

Or, if you'd prefer the real, less interesting tale of my academic life: I have an Associate of Arts from a local community college, as well as a Bachelor of Science from Arizona State University. Just call me Mr. C. K. Conners, AA BS.

8. How much I weigh

Once a day. I weigh myself once a day.

9. How tall I am

Tall enough to pick apples without a stool.

10. Number of tattoos and/or piercings

Zero. Though I have always thought the one Brad Pitt donned in Ocean's Eleven was pretty cool.

Ever notice how he's always eating in those movies?

11. Morning routine

Well, first there’s wake up. Then there’s wake up again, and once more after that. Then I do about thirty minutes of wondering who I am, followed soon after by a short (but easily sustainable) period of seething disdain for everyone and everything on the planet. After that, I locate my feet, stagger along the hallway looking for the stairs; carefully descend the steps, plop myself down at the computer, check emails, then fix myself some eggs, and wake up about an hour later.

12. Coffee or tea?

Coffee! Get me some java!

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13. Last Song To Grace Mine Ears

Better check the ‘ol iPod. Hang on a second…Ah! Here we are. Love & Loss by Mattia Cupelli, from the album Love & Loss.

©Mattia Cupelli

I highly recommend Cupelli. He’s a fantastically talented pianist.

14. Three Fears

Hmmm, this is tricky. Let’s see…

One: I’m not big on heights. Mountains are fine. Airplanes are okay. But cliffs, or ledges over a free fall—nope nope nope.

Two: Everlasting Solitude. Don’t get me wrong, I find great value in solitude. Sometimes being alone helps me focus—I’m prone to distraction. However, I fear a solitude that never ends, especially one of my own affliction.

Three: Wasted Time. This one both scares me and makes me mad. For instance, in books, TV, and movies, the wasted time element infuriates me. The Notebook, for example, when the mother hides the guy’s letters—wasted time for the lovebirds, there (however dysfunctional those nuts totally were; that's a discussion for another day). Friends: It took Ross and Rachel ten years to figure it all out. Castaway: Tom Hanks’ life goes by without him while he’s gone. Time is something we never get back, and I have a major fear of wasting it.

15. Three things I love

One: Writing.

Two: My niece and nephew. Adorable nut jobs, those two.

Three: My Saturday night tradition of making pizzas to the tune of my favorite opera, Gioachino Rossini's La Cenerentola!

16. Something I wish I could Do

I'd love to be a fluent pianist. Maybe someday with tons of practice, or if I get perpetually stuck in an upcoming Groundhog Day.

17. Three turn-ons

One: The Mind. To me, the mind is the most appealing part of a woman. I love a woman with whom I can have an intellectual conversation, a woman who takes pleasure in learning, whose imagination is vast, and whose words are born of thoughtful consideration.

Two: Sense of Humor. Does this one need any explanation? A good sense of humor is always a plus. I mean, who doesn’t love to laugh? I like the description given by Perchik in the musical, Fiddler on the Roof. When referring to the woman that would later become his bride, he says, “[She] has a quick and witty tongue.”

Three: Compassion. This is rare in people, and therefore makes those who possess the quality very desirable.

18. One major turn-off

Spending more time on a cellphone than with one’s present company.

19. My idea of a perfect date

I begin by swinging to my fair maiden's window, hanging from the end of a grappling hook. Taking her by the waist, she and I sail effortlessly over the city, watching the hustle and bustle pass by beneath us. We soon arrive at our restaurant destination—both of us impeccable; our every hair in place (despite the journey), and our attire stunning. Garçon greets us as old friends, and leads us to our table. Wide eyes watch as we pass by in slow motion, the wind teasing the ends of my date's dress and the lapels of my pressed collar. Enrapturing perfume radiating from the neck of my breathtaking date sends lightheaded faces plunging into bowls of cream of mushroom. The clink of wine glasses can then be heard ringing from our table, and my lovely lady and I take a sip before stepping onto the dance floor. The restaurant has no dance floor, so we break up a birthday party to make room. And, boy, do we dance! We needn't any music, for our fluid movements provide the perfect orchestra of sound. A grand finale dip and bow sends a pulse of exhilaration through the crowd; and all at once a great roar fills the area. We float through the doors on the wings of doves, and fly into the moonlight, where we light up the sky with a passionate kiss that puts all other lovers to shame. And as we fade away into legend, the heavens paint a picture of our love in the stars that lasts for all eternity, watching over all in our wake, reminding stargazers that their own romances will never be nearly so great as the one shared by my lady and me.

Or we could do coffee in the afternoon, and have a classy dinner in the city—perhaps followed by a play, or a stroll along the pier.

20. Number of kids I’d want.

Two sounds nice, but I’m not opposed to a large family.

21. Something I really, really want.

A Bentley Continental GT3-R. That's right! The next time I've got my life savings to spend, I'll be gettin' me one of these babies!

22. My addiction

I once had a weightlifting addiction, into which I should probably relapse for the sake of my abdomen.

23. Last person I texted.

Fantabulous author of the book Psybrid, Bailey Pons! Click below to visit her website, or check out her debut novel Psybrid!

24. Last person I called

Mio padre.

25. Random Fact

I can name all the presidents of the United States of America. Fascinating, right?


That’s all for now!
Click below for Part 2, where I run down a list of “favorites” questions!


C. K. Conners

©2018 by C. K. Conners